The Beast that is Malaise

People are often plagued by the terrible juxtaposition of their abilities and desire to do something and the seemingly frequent result of nothing actually materializing. It's not because we are weak or cowards or even jerks, as I have often thought myself to be and continue to do so. Rather, there is a less salient factor at work which binds us inimitably to inaction, which, at the very core of this morass is a moral, social and spiritual poison as deadly as any we use to kill insects and protect our luscious corn fields.

Why is this such a deadly poison? Because not only can we not see it, taste it or touch it, we can't even name it. We don't know what it is or why it is, but we certainly see and feel its designs. Twice as deadly is the tendency of this poison to be able to kill in more than one way. Left alone, it will wither the soul. Realized and brought into the light, it causes frustration, anxiety, suffocation and the madness of inescapability.

The tragedy of it though, is that it is a prison for your mind, not your actual life. I'm reminded of Revolution Number 9 – you say that it's the institution, well, you know, why don't you free your mind instead. Yeah, right, think outside the box. When you're in the box, you can't realize being out of it, 'the box' is the set of rules which define the game, or life as the situation may be. This is the insidious waste of time to me. What will make me happy is something I can't define, and if life is just more of this, which is how I perceive it to be... I don't know. And, that's the problem. Uncertainty is like a wet blanket, trapping you, cutting off your air. To make it worse, there's a beast chasing you - time. Time bites at you with regret and claws at you with loss. Realization is the greatest pain God ever inflicted upon man. It is far more destructive to our health and well being than any other force which governs us.

Not even the desire for smoothie comes close, and as all men know, many have lost much in that struggle.